We all feel as though we are at conflict with ourselves at some point in our lives, whether it is rare or frequent occurrence. However recently I have felt more torn between thoughts than usual.
I always try to do whatever makes the most people happy and maybe that makes me a 'people-pleaser' but at the end of the day I feel better knowing that one less person is upset because of my choices. Although lately I've felt that whatever I do someone is getting hurt and it is really bringing me down because it goes against my nature.
I made the choice of short-term unhappiness for myself in order to indirectly provide long-term happiness for someone else but right now it just seems like I have just made myself miserable for no reason. I feel like if I go back on that choice I will end up making it again and will be stuck in that never ending loop, still unsatisfied.
The worst part is the never ending rally between my thoughts, back and forth and back and forth... It creeps up if you don't keep yourself occupied and even when you are busy the thoughts still cross your mind, distracting you from the task at hand which then sends you into that repetitive, downward spiral of 'I give up'.
Long story short, I am in constant conflict with myself and it has become both mentally and physically draining.
No comments:
Post a Comment