We all feel as though we are at conflict with ourselves at some point in our lives, whether it is rare or frequent occurrence. However recently I have felt more torn between thoughts than usual.
I always try to do whatever makes the most people happy and maybe that makes me a 'people-pleaser' but at the end of the day I feel better knowing that one less person is upset because of my choices. Although lately I've felt that whatever I do someone is getting hurt and it is really bringing me down because it goes against my nature.
I made the choice of short-term unhappiness for myself in order to indirectly provide long-term happiness for someone else but right now it just seems like I have just made myself miserable for no reason. I feel like if I go back on that choice I will end up making it again and will be stuck in that never ending loop, still unsatisfied.
The worst part is the never ending rally between my thoughts, back and forth and back and forth... It creeps up if you don't keep yourself occupied and even when you are busy the thoughts still cross your mind, distracting you from the task at hand which then sends you into that repetitive, downward spiral of 'I give up'.
Long story short, I am in constant conflict with myself and it has become both mentally and physically draining.
Tuesday, 27 January 2015
Saturday, 24 January 2015
Comparison is the Thief of Joy
'Comparison is the thief of joy' I love this quote, it is such a beautiful and powerful combination of words given to us by Theodore Roosevelt. I am quite the jealous type and I am very aware of it which in a way helps me improve upon that aspect of myself, but also makes me retreat into my shell so that other people wont notice my green-face of envy.
I do blame society entirely for this, we are conditioned to compete with everything and everyone, which is INSANE! We're taught to achieve the highest grades and we're taught to be disappointed if our results aren't 100%. We are not taught to love our strengths and we are not taught to love our differences. We are compared to one another as numbers and percentages not individuals; 'Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.' (Albert Einstein).
But I know it isn't just comparing grades that is a poison in our society, it's the obsession with being 'more attractive', whatever the hell that is. Our minds have been molded to think that we have to put others down to build ourselves up, we've been told that if we're not one person's preference we are nobody's. It is so wrong. It is so so wrong because 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder'.
What I'm trying to say is that comparing yourself to others does nothing but hurt you and the other person involved, so why do it?
I do blame society entirely for this, we are conditioned to compete with everything and everyone, which is INSANE! We're taught to achieve the highest grades and we're taught to be disappointed if our results aren't 100%. We are not taught to love our strengths and we are not taught to love our differences. We are compared to one another as numbers and percentages not individuals; 'Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.' (Albert Einstein).
But I know it isn't just comparing grades that is a poison in our society, it's the obsession with being 'more attractive', whatever the hell that is. Our minds have been molded to think that we have to put others down to build ourselves up, we've been told that if we're not one person's preference we are nobody's. It is so wrong. It is so so wrong because 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder'.
What I'm trying to say is that comparing yourself to others does nothing but hurt you and the other person involved, so why do it?
Thursday, 15 January 2015
Heartbreak
We've all heard the stories and probably experienced at least one heartbreak in our lifetimes. The problem is that we let ourselves get so emotionally mutilated by people we claim to love. Since I have recently decided that romance is completely over-rated I thought this blog post could be about rules I have set up for myself to prevent tears and over-indulging on ice cream. These rules aren't just for romantic relationships, they're useful in dealing with the ex-friend that has resurfaced to ruin you.
Rule 1.
Always cover up your sadness with a smile. If you show that you've been wounded then you'll only attract people who want to rip your wounds wide open and watch you crumble. They circle, in a fashion that resembles that of a pack of vultures, and they will beat you even when you're down.
Rule 2.
When in doubt, just get out. Don't sit around thinking and thinking about someone's loyalty to you, if they were loyal you wouldn't be questioning it. You know what they say, you don't get smoke without flames, and honestly that has never been proved wrong in my experience.
Rule 3.
Kill them with kindness. The best way to out someone for the monster you've discovered they are, is to simply ignore their spitefulness and let everyone else discover how cruel they are. If you let their comments slide over your back then you can be free, which leads me to the final rule for today's post...
Rule 4.
Be invincible. Be a rock. You are not what they say, you are what you do.
Rule 1.
Always cover up your sadness with a smile. If you show that you've been wounded then you'll only attract people who want to rip your wounds wide open and watch you crumble. They circle, in a fashion that resembles that of a pack of vultures, and they will beat you even when you're down.
Rule 2.
When in doubt, just get out. Don't sit around thinking and thinking about someone's loyalty to you, if they were loyal you wouldn't be questioning it. You know what they say, you don't get smoke without flames, and honestly that has never been proved wrong in my experience.
Rule 3.
Kill them with kindness. The best way to out someone for the monster you've discovered they are, is to simply ignore their spitefulness and let everyone else discover how cruel they are. If you let their comments slide over your back then you can be free, which leads me to the final rule for today's post...
Rule 4.
Be invincible. Be a rock. You are not what they say, you are what you do.
Sunday, 4 January 2015
The 'New' Year
So, it's 2015.
A new year, a new you, a new opportunity to build yourself up probably only to crumble back down. We all make resolutions (whether we stick to them or not is a different story) but this year I decided to not make a resolution.
There are many reasons why I should, for one I am an incredibly flawed human-being and probably ought to make myself more bearable to those around me, but I only have one reason as to why not.
I don't think I need to change myself for the benefit of people who do not care about me. Simple as that. I will work on aspects of myself but I feel that it is only fair if I do that in my own time, when I feel ready.
I don't like being pressured into things and usually I will completely rebel against it, not because I am some arsey teenager with an attitude problem but simply because I don't like feeling trapped. That's a topic I may get into when I feel we are better acquainted *Insert awkward laughter here*.
As for now, enjoy your new year and I hope you enjoy my ramblings (I promise they will get interesting..eventually...), as for now, have a very Happy New Year.
A new year, a new you, a new opportunity to build yourself up probably only to crumble back down. We all make resolutions (whether we stick to them or not is a different story) but this year I decided to not make a resolution.
There are many reasons why I should, for one I am an incredibly flawed human-being and probably ought to make myself more bearable to those around me, but I only have one reason as to why not.
I don't think I need to change myself for the benefit of people who do not care about me. Simple as that. I will work on aspects of myself but I feel that it is only fair if I do that in my own time, when I feel ready.
I don't like being pressured into things and usually I will completely rebel against it, not because I am some arsey teenager with an attitude problem but simply because I don't like feeling trapped. That's a topic I may get into when I feel we are better acquainted *Insert awkward laughter here*.
As for now, enjoy your new year and I hope you enjoy my ramblings (I promise they will get interesting..eventually...), as for now, have a very Happy New Year.
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