What Do You Do?

What do you do when your whole world is being destroyed by a black hole?
What do you do when you are the black hole?

It's tricky for me to make peace with myself, there is a war being constantly fought up in my head, and recently I have found myself fighting the same battle over and over and over...
When I am alone I think the silence amplifies my delirious ideas of the future which are then promptly shattered by his presence. I am a dreamer alone but in the company of another I am quite easily the most pessimistic realist there ever was, I am tough and I am dark but I also shut down my emotions. I struggle to open up around people (even when we're close) for some unknown reasons and recently all I've wanted is to let people see me for me but whenever I have that opportunity I retreat back into my shell. 

I want to be so much more than I am, but I kill the light of anything that gets too close.