Perfection.

It's pathetic really. Being obsessed with your appearance, being insecure, constantly trying to achieve 'perfection'. If we're being honest, it's incredibly vain. 

I hate how my teeth look, they're wonky and gappy, they stick out and lord knows they aren't pearly white. I hate how big my nose is, it isn't cute or endearing, it is seriously obtrusive. I hate how my jaw is square and masculine but doesn't make my cheekbones appear defined. My lips are too thin and disappear when I smile, so I don't. I'm prone to blackheads and dry skin. 

And that's just my face.

I could spend days typing up what I hate about myself, but only a second saying what I like. How crap is that?

Why are so many millions of people desperately trying to achieve 'perfection' when it doesn't exist.

Stable

I am feeling more stable this week, maybe it's due to me putting time aside to confront my problems or maybe it is just a better week.

The self-inflicted marks on my body are healing up and I am winning the fight over the urge to reopen those wounds (both physical and mental). A lot has happened in the past weeks that I've decided to let go of because I shouldn't invest so much heartache in people who no longer want me in their life.

I am yet to get in contact with my psychiatrist, there are some communication issues so I haven't booked in my final evaluation but I feel like I will be sorting that out this week. 

Things aren't necessarily looking up this but I'm not in a position where I feel like everything is about to fall. I am hurt but I've been hurt before. I think can come back from this. I hope I can make it through this. I know I can make it through this.