My mind will be the thing that kills me.
My mind is constantly whirring, thinking, predicting, fantasising and that is what will kill me. I can be trying to get to sleep at night and then start creating scenarios of what I will do.
Pretty normal I suppose.
Then I will replay that scenario a hundred times so incredibly detailed that I feel as if I have lived through it, I will then go through the scenario with different outcomes, different emotions, and I can dwell on it for days on end.
I find sleeping impossible when I get into that state, so far I have had almost 2 weeks of sleepless nights and days spent doing nothing but think. I read to escape my mind for a while but now I find that reading fuels my dramatic emotions, it heightens everything.
And I hate it. I hate how messy and scattered I am. I can't focus on conversations, and I'd rather spend my time in my head, in the perfect world I've imagined. It's pathetic I know but it's true.
You can't get hurt in a perfect world and it holds you together even if it's only for a short while.
So I think I'll stay there, in my mind, just long enough for the hurting to stop.
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